Elly Clarke
they cut my heart out my sex too
the desire i had had since i was a child
since before we were supposed to have such feelings
with a few choice friends, we permitted our desire to direct us taking off our clothes
pretending
that our bodies were different to the childlike frames we all had imagining like hell
the emotions we couldn’t quite reach.
but we could play them out invite them in
as part of the act.
the act was so real it was real.
they cut away my heart. though not my capacity for joy but joy in a different form.
calm without desire
the ability to behold beauty but not the need to act on it. this was foreign to me.
my 10-year-old niece said yes i can focus better
but i feel part of my personality has gone.
i said i know what you mean i feel the same way -
part of me has gone too.
they cut my heart out but i was calmer
they cut part of her away, but she could focus
they took the song out of my sorrow. the blunt horror from my belly
and i survive even at times thrive
drive-less
moving differently through the world medicated
against the things that complicate it.
Elly Clarke is an occasional visitor to the workshops in between her travels. She is a performer, poet and drag king.