The place was dark from the outside. You'd never notice it unless you knew it was there.

He felt along the wall until he found a door with a buzzer. A feeling of excitement and nerves created an uneasiness in the stomach. He walked past, despite his previous eagerness. He had thought of this moment for so long, and now it was in touching distance he wondered whether he would be able to do it. He smiled as his own wimpishness.

When he looked back he saw a slight, unassuming figure ring the bell. Immediately the door opened and he slipped in.

That decided him. He too pressed the buzzer and was ushed in by the doorman. Neither of them smiled or spoke. After all, he was a foreigner here. If he raised an eyebrow or nodded, they would understand him.

He took a tall seat at the bar and ordered a beer, the most anonymous of drinks. He stared at the intricate pattern of the marble on the bar top and traced it with his fingers, until a voice next to him introduced himself in slightly accented English.

'I’m Tomas, how are you?' The boy was slight, maybe twenty, and held out his hand. And that was how they met.

The conversation flowed more easily than he had anticipated. It felt like a completely normal conversation, but with more eye contact. As Tomas leaned in to hear him above the music, their knees touched.

It was as he had always imagined that it would be: an electric charge fusing the two bodies. He wasn’t sure if it was that feeling of being desired that moved him so powerfully, or the thought of the act which was to follow. He felt energised, powerful … 

They left the bar and Tomas suggested they walk towards the river. They crossed neglected parklands towards the shifting lights on the water.

Now he would need to take control.

He took Tomas’s arm like a mother steadying a child at the side of a busy road. 'No. This way,' he said.

Tomas smiled. Perhaps he would like being controlled.

He had spied out the lie of the land beforehand. He led Tomas to a small bush, away from the lovers walking the river banks, and other prying eyes.

He took Tomas in his arms, the way he had imagined it. It was much more physical than he expected. Tomas was stronger than he looked. They rolled around and the dry undergrowth crackled beneath them. They both panted but all noises were subdued, muffled in the dark. This was just for them; they wouldn't be interrupted.

After some minutes he stood up, sweating. Tomas lay face up towards the night sky. He looked down at the unlined face. The perspiration ran down his back into his jeans. He tried to slow his breath down as he walked away from the bush.

'Don’t look back, don’t run, everything is under control' he said to himself.

He reached the road and was careful not to quicken his pace. He pulled his hood up as he turned the corner and walked down busier streets until absorbed into the flows of people out for a good time.

******

There's more confidence now as his shoes click on the same cobbles towards the same bar. This time he rings the buzzer without hesitation and he knows where he is going as he enters. He pulls back his hood.

He takes a different seat at the bar but orders the same bland beer. He looks round the room, not nervous now. 

On the wall by the toilets there is a poster but it doesn’t appear to be advertising entertainment. The sketched figure draws his attention. He doesn’t understand the language but he thinks he understands what it means. It's about an incident.

He gets up to go to the toilet, tries not to look at the poster too obviously. He's often wondered how he might appear on something like this. Would he be sketched as handsome? He looks older, more square-jawed but not unrecognisable.

From the toilet he heads towards the exit. He makes no eye contact; he can’t now. Nor does he look at the doorman.

Outside, he takes deep breaths. His pulse has quickened.

'Don’t look back, don’t run, everything is under control', he says to himself. Like he did before.

He pulls his hood up.

He's going to have to take great care now.

And he'll have to find a different place for his second time.

Christian Fletcher